How Desire, Expectations, and Evaluation Distort our Reality.
How Desires and Expectations Skew Reality (Healthy Desire Series - #1)
Note: A longer and revised version of this blog is here.
The gaze of desire is impure and distorting. Only when we desire nothing, only when our viewing becomes pure observation, does the soul of things open up, the beauty.
When I look at a forest that I want to buy, that I want to lease, that I want to cut down, in which I want to hunt, that I want to mortgage, then I do not see the forest, but only its relations to my desires, to my plans and worries, to my wallet. Then it consists of wood, is young or old, healthy or sick.
But if I want nothing from it, if I only gaze "thoughtlessly" into its green depth, then only is it a forest. It is nature and growth, and it is beautiful.
- Hermann Hesse
Desire's Cloud: Our Daily Distortion
Remember Hermann Hesse when you, or someone around you, views something through the lens of desire. It's almost shocking how we habitually look at nearly everything from this position of 'desire.'
This narrow-minded perception of our reality can be daunting. As if we've been trained1 collectively to filter reality through our desires, not to see the whole but only fragments that align with our wants.
Desire is cloaked as expectations and judgment
Sometimes, desire is not recognized as such. It can reveal itself through symptoms that stem from the desire. Expectations and judgments are some of these symptoms.
Desire: The Root of Expectations
Desire often lays the groundwork for expectations.
When you desire something—be it a partner, job, or vacation—you construct an internal image of how you want it to be. This mental blueprint profoundly shapes your expectations. In this manner, desire can generate expectations for things that might even be beyond your control.
However, creating expectations for things beyond your control can be problematic, often leading to frustration. (Refer to Part 2 of this post series for a detailed explanation on why it's crucial not to dwell too much on uncontrollable factors.)
Judgment: The yardstick of desire.
To assess how well reality aligns with your expectations, you judge.
You evaluate your partner, job, or vacation against your desires and their inspired expectations. Judgment serves as a tool to reconcile the reality of a situation with your desires and expectations.
However, judgment, grounded in expectations and desires, offers a narrow and biased perspective. Therefore, when you catch yourself judging, be mindful of the facets you might overlook by concentrating solely on the elements pertinent to your judgment.
The issue with desire, expectation, and judgment?
Hermann Hesse's viewpoint cautions that desire, expectation, and judgment can skew our perception of reality. Desire can limit our gaze to our needs and wants. Expectations can lead to disappointment when unmet, and judgment can easily bias our perception.
They may prevent us from truly appreciating the beauty and value of the world.
Hesse's concept of observing without desire, expectation, or judgment echoes mindfulness or non-attachment, philosophies that teach deeper perception by separating these influences from our observations.
However, the art lies in balancing healthy desires, realistic expectations, and fair judgments with a clear perception of reality.
Next: How should one desire?
What about our careers, life plans, self-improvement, and goals? Should we not desire them? Should we flit through life like mayflies, passively embracing whatever comes our way?
If you have insightful resolutions to this paradox, do leave a comment. 😊
We'll delve deeper into this in the next blog post.
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We were probably shaped heavily by evolution and additionally by our modern marketing-soaked world into the “desire machines” we are today.